so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
