just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
