I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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