I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So. Much. Porn.
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