There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
