he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
