i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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