So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
