Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
