youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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