is your mom at the bar?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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