she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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