I can text with my tongue
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
