He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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