what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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