We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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