Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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