just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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