Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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