We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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