So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
