Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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