That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize