That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
