i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
