next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
