he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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