Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
