paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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