I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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