who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
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