I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize