Soap is not a condiment
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm getting married
To pizza
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
