If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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