Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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