If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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