Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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