Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
