So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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