Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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