So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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