Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
