I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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