Apparently you make a good broom.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
