I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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