it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
