quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I would fuck him just for his dog
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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