That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
