Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
