Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
