there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
