Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
