he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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