I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think your dad took our porno
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If I die, sorry about rent.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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