i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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