she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize