can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's never too late to be topless.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
