That's intense
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
