Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
