i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
