i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
