whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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