Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
