Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
